She ovulates tumbleweeds

Overheard in NY.

Dream 2

Dammit, not only are the dreams ruining my blog with worse bloggability than usual, they suck. Held a baby last night, there was a bit about dropping it into a swiming pool...not fun.

Also tits hurt, day 22, right on time for another agonizing period.

I finally gave up on my dead-end job and its 10 weeks of paid sick leave to take a better one and start over at 2. So, career ∞, baby 0.

Oh for shit's sake, the new job starts during a period.

Dream

The city was on fire. E and I were at home, curtains drawn, trying to hide from the hordes of 7- and 8-year olds running through the streets. But they came in anyway - through the door, cracked open, through windows we thought we'd latched, down the chimney. We couldn't keep them out of the house.

Very subtle, Brain. I hope you're right. I don't know what the fire is for - neither of us has gonorrhea or anything. Yeesh.

Day 14, in it up to our necks

Finally got a positive. UPS guy interrupted feet-in-pillow time last night with the next box of OPKs. We get signs where we can.

Unrelated: this essay made me mad at first, with its foamy derision of narcissistic infertile women seeking babies at great cost to the earth. Comparing genetic material - what, spuge? - to the last drops of a martini was, I thought, tacky.

Then I realized it was 9 years old. Then I realized the author now has a daughter, whether by adoption or lucky nature, who's to say. Then I realized I used to agree with her that kids were bad for the earth. Now I don't, but it's uncomfortable reality to remember some do.

It won't keep me from wearing a bright ring tee with the epithet "BREEDER" emblazoned on the front when I finally stay pregnant.

Day 11, OPK neg

And twinge on right side.

OPK yeah you know, hey?

Bought another load of OPKs. Wonder if I should get the fancy "fertility monitor" instead. It seems like it would save money. On the other hand, it's $200 up front and even just the sticks for that cost about the same as OPKs month-to-month.

It's for the doc that I do the OPKs anyway. We're still at the stage where it's fine to check my chemistry (oh! those lovely secretions) and just give it all we have in Sex Week.

Definitely putting more money in the pre-tax flex-spend thing at work next year.

Oh, and got my files from the doc. Interesting stuff, that. More later.

Throttle

The title just refers to what I'd like to do to certain coworkers' necks, but explaining it would take too much energy I can be channeling elsewhere.

I'm reading "The Conception Chronicles" and it's not as bad as I thought it would be. Chatty, yes, and the fake emails are a little too twee. I wouldn't buy it, but it's worth borrowing.

One assumption I have a hard time with is that the woman's always pushing for the baby. That's not the case. Yet, I do bear most of the responsibility for all the research, testing, budgeting, etc. Untenable, I'd say.

They do advise you switch if you feel uncomfortable with your doctor, so I think I will.